Bram Stoker’s Dracula’s Guest (2008)

Bram Stoker’s Dracula’s Guest is the kind of movie whose bark is worse than its bite.  Based, and that is saying it kindly, very, very loosely on the infamous missing chapter in Bram Stoker’s novel, Dracula, the film starts out well but fizzles midway  and then leaves you completely umdead by its end. But I get a-head of myself …

In the beginning we find a pretty young lass by the name of Miss Elizabeth Murray who is crying to herself behind the bars of a cell located beneath a castle in Transylvania (we think).  Along comes our hero, an Irishman named Bram Stoker, who tries to free Elizabeth from her cage but is unable to.  She implores Bram to run away for her captor is none other than Count Vlad Dracula. Bram threatens to kill him but Elizabeth warns him that Dracula is not any mortal man but is an immortal vampire and, to make matters worse, Dracula has had his way with young Elizabeth who is now pregnant with his child.

We are then entertained with several flashback scenes dealing with Bram asking Elizabeth’s father, Admiral Murray, to marry her but he refuses to allow it. Bram is then seen at his employer’s office, a realtor, where he learns that a foreigner, Dracula, is searching for a castle to live in in England (there are plenty there, of course). In the meanwhile, Elizabeth is throwing a Victorian temper tantrum and runs away from home to the London train station. She is wisked away by Dracula (who must have borrowed a transporter from Star Trek)  to his castle in Transylvania (why does Dracula want a castle in England when he has one in Transylvania? I don’t know and neither will you for they never say). Elizabeth doesn’t remember how she got to Transylvania (its a Star Trek thing I guess) but she proceeds to throw her second temper tantrum of the film when she demands that Dracula send a carriage to take her home (which is one hell of a cab fare if you ask me). By this time, Dracula has had enough and tells Elizabeth that she will remain at the castle as his prisoner.

Bram learns of Elizabeth’s kidnapping and makes a journey to go and free her. Along the way, Bram comes across a weird French family of cannibals (they’re French, what can I say?), a German carriage driver who seems to be afraid of the dark,a really hungry Rottweiler with a drooling issue (I guess the film company couldn’t find a wolf?), and a group of blood thirsty lady vampires who like to hang out in an empty cemetary.

Bram makes it to Dracula’s castle and after repeating the opening scene comes across Elizabeth’s father (who, strangely, seems to know everything that has just transpired). It is discovered that Admiral Murray is not a sea captain after all but a notorious vampire hunter who has killed vampires for years. Admiral Murray fights Dracula and cuts off his head. Elizabeth is freed from her cage and hugs Bram, even though it was her Dad who killed Dracula. Admiral Murray isn’t a man to hold a grudge, though, and in a twist, Murray now accepts Bram and tells Elizabeth and Bram to get married (despite her prenatal condition). They all hug and then … here ends the film. Confused? So was I.

Despite sort-of, semi-decent, acting the movie had high production values and was shot well. However, the film  seems to have suffered in post-production and was put together badl. The end result is a movie that is hard to follow and not a scare to be found in the entire film. Bram Stoker’s Dracula’s Guest is kind of a snoozer which makes it good to watch if you are suffering from insomnia.

If you’d like to know, the film was produced and directed by Michael Feiffer and starred Wes Ramsey (Bram), Kelsey McCann (Elizabeth) and Andrew Bryniarski as Dracula.

Do yourself a favor with this DVD, rent it, if only out of curiosity, watch it and then put it in a coffin but be sure to bury it with a stake through its heart. Don’t worry; its a mercy killing.

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